Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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