I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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