I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.