Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
