He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
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i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
being pregnant is like rehab
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
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Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That's what I'm talking about
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail