Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.