I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.