Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless