She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
