At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
