Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize