bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
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She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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