She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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