I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
