why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
