hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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