I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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