I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
