oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
