i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
