i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
