He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
