his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
