You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
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