I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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