I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Text me some of your sweat
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
