Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
