Soap is not a condiment
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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