Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
