im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.