I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
