p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
