It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
