Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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