you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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