dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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