I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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