You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I need to stop coming to work sober
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
