He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
