you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
