I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
