i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
