Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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