So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
