Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
