I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
