I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
