Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
