either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We need to get me chipped asap
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
