Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
MIDGETS
????
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
