he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
