There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
