i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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