Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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