OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
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We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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