he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
