I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
