Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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