I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Panties = found
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
