There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
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I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
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I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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