i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
