So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
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I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
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he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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