I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
