Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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