One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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