Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
