I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
